Cosmic Sewer Hobo
It's all over
- Joined
- Sep 12, 2020
- Messages
- 536
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You probably came across some games on steam that fall under the genre of “simulation” with tags such as “construction” “management” etc etc…Call them what you want, be it “construction games” or “engineering games” or whatever suits your delicate tastes. For me, I’ll call them for what they really are, “Autism games”.
One game that I’ve been spending my time on in the past few months is Factorio, a construction game where you start by crash-landing on an alien planet and have to build a massive factory in order to research and build a space shuttle that will get you off this shithole. All that while being assraped by the planet’s alien inhabitants because they don’t like both you and your factory’s stench.
Sounds simple enough, right? ABSOLUTELY NOT! This game has a steep learning curve and requires tons and tons of planning because you’re spending most of your time doing “quik maffs” to calculate the consumption of the machines and trying match it with the supply, so constantly trying to optimize your input and output, your supply and demand. And constantly being zerg-rushed every 3 FUCKING SECONDS IS NOT FUCKING HELPING.
Hell I bought this game to have something relaxing to play when I get back from work, I even placed it in the “chill games” category in my steam library…Oh boy that bitch is getting the fuck off that list.
The game does have a “peaceful mode” where the aliens do not rush you or your factory unless you got too close to their hives or attacked them first, you may ask “why don’t you play that mode, you fucking retarded nigger?” and then I would answer “what are you, a fucking faggot?”. I aint no pussy, if I’m finishing the game for the first time it’s going to be on at least the normal settings.
So, how exactly do you play this shit? Well, you have a character that you move around with and also an inventory from which you can craft stuff. But if you manually craft most of your shit then you are retarded, you’re probably too retarded to be trusted with tightening a bolt and nut with a spanner IRL let alone simulating the construction of a factory in a video game, please find a construction site with exposed rebars and impale yourself through the asshole on one of them.
Everything in this game must be automated, and you can do that by learning how to use the machines and structures that are the heart of your factory, mainly belts, inserters and assembling machines
Belts:
Belts are the main method of moving shit from one place/machine to another, machines drop shit on it and it will start moving the shit along its path until it reaches its destination where the item to stop but the belt will keep on moving shit (no, they don’t fall off the belt. They stack up behind each other like a road during rush hour or the line to fuck your mom). They have two “lanes” allowing you transport 2 types of items in a single belt if you set it up right
There are 2 belt components that are super useful, splitters and underground belts. You can use them in a creative way but we all know that you will fuck it up regardless.
Splitters split belts in half along with the rate of item carried by the belt (so if a belt is moving 100 items per minutes, splitting is means that you now have 2 belts with 50 items per minute)
Underground belts are very useful if your structures and machines are getting in the way, with it you call pass a belt underground in a straight line for a short distance until it emerges from the other side. Also helps keeping your factory nice and tidy otherwise you will have a case of “belt gore” where you have a fuckload of belts everywhere that makes your factory look like a retarded Final Fantasy character.
Inserters:
Machines that pick-up shit from something (other machines/belts) and shove them into other stuff. Different types are for different uses, but we all know what you’re going to use them for you fucking faggot.
You got ones with a longer reach, ones that can pickup specific things based on a whitelist/blacklist you set it up with (segregation is back, baby!)
Assembling Machines:
The heart of your factory, you assign them to a certain product, deliver the components to them with belts, shove the components in the machines with inserters, the machine will craft the product, you rip the product out of the machine with another inserter into a belt or a box. Simple, eh? Well, that is until you realize that you need assembling machines that craft
components for other machines and these other machines craft components for other “other” machines and then…..FFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCkKK !!@@!MAKE IT STOP!!
There is a lot of “quik maffs” involved in this game if you really wish for a fully optimized factory, and due to my hyper-fucking-autismus-maximus I started making spreadsheets calculating input/output of the machines and what’s the optimum ratio of machines to other machines. Fuck, I’m losing it.
"Mom! I'm like an actual engineer! awesome!"
The fucking Zerg:
MAGA
you are not alone in this planet. There are aliens are pissed off by the pollution that your factory produces and they will zerg-rush you and your factory to assrape you both because they don’t their planet to look like a typical Chinese city (unlike China, these bugs fight back against thecapitalists communist industrialists). So, not only that you have to build a massive and complex factory but also you have to defend it yourself with researchable weapons and explosives. Or better off, with a fully automated defensive system that will raep any land-shrimp that dares come near your wall or automatically shell their hives from a distant with artillery and Verdun their asses (yes, even mass-murder is automatable in this game). You can also rush their hives that spread around the map with whatever you can get your hands on, be it guns, tanks, grenades, nukes, giant spider mech, you name it, just as long as you wipe every speck of xeno filth from the face of this planet.
The more you pollute the planet the more aggressive the aliens become, not to mention that pollution will evolve the aliens and make them stronger and spread even more. So If you thought the occasional pack of tiny land-shrimps chasing after your tender ass was bad because you’re too stupid to build some decent defenses, I assure you that this is nothing but the quiet before the BBC.
Endgame setup
“So, how the fuck do I win?
I getting real tired of typing all this shit so I’ll keep it brief, the real way to win is to not play the game in the first place. The autistic way to win is to create a fully automated factory that builds science packs which you use in labs to advance your tech to reach the ability to build a rocket.
then you need to build rocket parts using some really expensive components (which you will also automate) and shove them into a rocket silo.
once you build enough you launch the rocket and you win. Now fuck off.
One game that I’ve been spending my time on in the past few months is Factorio, a construction game where you start by crash-landing on an alien planet and have to build a massive factory in order to research and build a space shuttle that will get you off this shithole. All that while being assraped by the planet’s alien inhabitants because they don’t like both you and your factory’s stench.
Sounds simple enough, right? ABSOLUTELY NOT! This game has a steep learning curve and requires tons and tons of planning because you’re spending most of your time doing “quik maffs” to calculate the consumption of the machines and trying match it with the supply, so constantly trying to optimize your input and output, your supply and demand. And constantly being zerg-rushed every 3 FUCKING SECONDS IS NOT FUCKING HELPING.
Hell I bought this game to have something relaxing to play when I get back from work, I even placed it in the “chill games” category in my steam library…Oh boy that bitch is getting the fuck off that list.
The game does have a “peaceful mode” where the aliens do not rush you or your factory unless you got too close to their hives or attacked them first, you may ask “why don’t you play that mode, you fucking retarded nigger?” and then I would answer “what are you, a fucking faggot?”. I aint no pussy, if I’m finishing the game for the first time it’s going to be on at least the normal settings.
So, how exactly do you play this shit? Well, you have a character that you move around with and also an inventory from which you can craft stuff. But if you manually craft most of your shit then you are retarded, you’re probably too retarded to be trusted with tightening a bolt and nut with a spanner IRL let alone simulating the construction of a factory in a video game, please find a construction site with exposed rebars and impale yourself through the asshole on one of them.
Everything in this game must be automated, and you can do that by learning how to use the machines and structures that are the heart of your factory, mainly belts, inserters and assembling machines
Belts:
Belts are the main method of moving shit from one place/machine to another, machines drop shit on it and it will start moving the shit along its path until it reaches its destination where the item to stop but the belt will keep on moving shit (no, they don’t fall off the belt. They stack up behind each other like a road during rush hour or the line to fuck your mom). They have two “lanes” allowing you transport 2 types of items in a single belt if you set it up right
There are 2 belt components that are super useful, splitters and underground belts. You can use them in a creative way but we all know that you will fuck it up regardless.
Splitters split belts in half along with the rate of item carried by the belt (so if a belt is moving 100 items per minutes, splitting is means that you now have 2 belts with 50 items per minute)
Underground belts are very useful if your structures and machines are getting in the way, with it you call pass a belt underground in a straight line for a short distance until it emerges from the other side. Also helps keeping your factory nice and tidy otherwise you will have a case of “belt gore” where you have a fuckload of belts everywhere that makes your factory look like a retarded Final Fantasy character.
Inserters:
Machines that pick-up shit from something (other machines/belts) and shove them into other stuff. Different types are for different uses, but we all know what you’re going to use them for you fucking faggot.
You got ones with a longer reach, ones that can pickup specific things based on a whitelist/blacklist you set it up with (segregation is back, baby!)
Assembling Machines:
The heart of your factory, you assign them to a certain product, deliver the components to them with belts, shove the components in the machines with inserters, the machine will craft the product, you rip the product out of the machine with another inserter into a belt or a box. Simple, eh? Well, that is until you realize that you need assembling machines that craft
components for other machines and these other machines craft components for other “other” machines and then…..FFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCkKK !!@@!MAKE IT STOP!!
There is a lot of “quik maffs” involved in this game if you really wish for a fully optimized factory, and due to my hyper-fucking-autismus-maximus I started making spreadsheets calculating input/output of the machines and what’s the optimum ratio of machines to other machines. Fuck, I’m losing it.
"Mom! I'm like an actual engineer! awesome!"
The fucking Zerg:
MAGA
you are not alone in this planet. There are aliens are pissed off by the pollution that your factory produces and they will zerg-rush you and your factory to assrape you both because they don’t their planet to look like a typical Chinese city (unlike China, these bugs fight back against the
The more you pollute the planet the more aggressive the aliens become, not to mention that pollution will evolve the aliens and make them stronger and spread even more. So If you thought the occasional pack of tiny land-shrimps chasing after your tender ass was bad because you’re too stupid to build some decent defenses, I assure you that this is nothing but the quiet before the BBC.
Endgame setup
“So, how the fuck do I win?
I getting real tired of typing all this shit so I’ll keep it brief, the real way to win is to not play the game in the first place. The autistic way to win is to create a fully automated factory that builds science packs which you use in labs to advance your tech to reach the ability to build a rocket.
then you need to build rocket parts using some really expensive components (which you will also automate) and shove them into a rocket silo.
once you build enough you launch the rocket and you win. Now fuck off.
